Arranged Marriage Woes?

Sep - 24 | By: AHT | 2 comments.

Filed under : Weight Loss

I am a British asian male who recently had an arranged marriage to a girl from India but I am now not sure if she is the one.
I went to India 3 months ago for the purpose of finding a prospective bride. I met this girl who came across as very charming, talkative and friendly. After meeting her face-to-face we had several long telephone conversations to establish compatibility. Although my family members were not so keen on this girl as her family social and economic status, education level were below our desired expectations, they just wanted me to BE married as we had spent a lot of money on wedding arrangements and getting to India and besides everyone was expecting a wedding to take place.
The wedding happened. Soon after, I was finding some difficulty in adjusting with her. I began to see we had lot more in difference than what we had in common. She was too religious for my liking and expected me to be the same. She wasnt as bright as I initially thought. She had peculiar short term memory losses which also caused me some concern. I thought these minor issues and differences would resolve with time but soon I had more surprises in stock for me.
She has rheumatic fever and whats more she has never been properly treated for it.
Its an arthiritic condition in which upto 80% of cases can cause damaged heart valves.The prognosis is poor if heart is affected. She isnt sure whether her heart valves are damaged.
She mislead me about her family relations. She lead me to believe that her step mother was her real mother. There are good reasons for her deception. Her real mother was physically abusive towards her and had eventaully abandoned her at the age of 4 yrs. Although I deeply feel sorry for her but cant help thinking that she may have deep psychological problems due to abandonment and abuse she received as a child. Her mother also has history of mental illness. I just hope it isnt a hereditary condition.
When I confronted her as to why she decided not to reveal these information prior to the wedding taking place she replied that it may have jeopardised her chance of getting a good husband. She was sworn to secrecy by her family members never to reveal these facts to her husband or his family!
I would have really prefered to know these facts before the wedding then I could have made an informed choice. I told her everything about me but couldnt understand how she could hide such important information so selfishly. I was prepared to share my whole life with her, trusting her with everything. I feel angry at her for the fact that she has duped me. I cant help but feel that my attitude has changed towards her. I cant bear her to touch me. There is no intimacy between us. She has lost my trust and respect.
I am now back in the UK and I am going through the motion of applying for her UK visa. Looking with hindsight, this wedding was a big mistake and probably the biggest mistake of my life. It has affected me in such a bad way. I constantly feel depressed now. I have gone all introvert. I hardly go out with my friends, rarely go to the gym or play any sports. I’ve lost so much weight. I find it hard to concentrate on anything for too long.
Divorce is an option. Following a divorce I can see my life going back to how it was but divorce being such a taboo subject back in India that it could affect her adversely. She has suffered a lot in her life and this could be just too much. Divorce could mean that she is never able to find a decent husband if she wished to remarry. But yet I dont just want to be with her for the sake a marriage and feeling charity for her. I am really confused. I would really appreciate your advice.

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