A couple of weeks ago my father in law passed away. My mother in law is being strong. My sister in law mentions about me and my spouse to give money so my sisters in law and brother in law can help buy my mother in law a new computer and a web cam for my mother in law to use so she could see everyone on web cam. I don’t wish to give out our hard earned money for a new computer and a webcam (the webcam won’t even be used often anyway) for personal reasons. Instead, I would like to give a monetary gift so my mother in law can use it for necessary expenses like food, home utilities, car payments/gas, funeral expenses, medical/insurance, travel expenses, other bills, etc.. I mentioned to my sister in law what our plans were and that we would send money via paypal and that we would love to also help pay for the computer/webcam but right now we can’t afford it and we have plans to send her money for the necessities right now.
My spouse agrees with me. Am I mean for thinking this way?
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No you are not wrong. While a computer is a great gift, a better gift is money that she can use to handle her everyday needs. You are right about having bills, needing food, or even medication..etc.. Right now the focus should be on her most immediate needs.
Bless your heart! Give Mom the money and let her do with what she chooses.
Factoid regarding the etiquette: When a person receives a gift, it is there’s to do with as they choose. Your mother in law will receive your money order and do with it as she pleases, and if that is to spend it towards a computer with a webcam, then she will.
Your reasons for not wanting her to have a computer and webcam may be valid (you haven’t stated why, but it is your choice. Your reason will also determine your level of ‘meanness’), but you cannot control what other people do. All you can do is explain your wishes to the MIL and let what will be, be.
Alternative: Offer to send the money directly to one of the utility companies she deals with and they will give her a credit (I’ve done that with the gas company). Or send her a gift card for the grocery store she uses.