Hi.
Quite a while ago, I put up a question about my mother constantly telling me to lose weight because she thought I was fat. I was 5’4 and around 125 lbs then. I admit that I ate quite a bit, but I didn’t think 125 lbs was such a big deal until she made it that way. After my wisdom teeth surgery, I’m down to 120 lbs. It has remained this way for a while. Soon after that, I became somewhat obsessed with weight loss, and tried losing more weight by cutting my diet quite a bit – it didn’t happen.
After that, I decided to try exercising. For the past 3 weeks, I have been doing at least 30 minutes of jump rope each day. There hasn’t been any weight loss, but I feel as if I’m gaining some muscle. The thing is, my mother wants me to be feminine (she wants me looking ‘pretty’) – my calves were already quite muscular before this, and she doesn’t want me building muscle anymore.
As for my questions…
I’m already not on good terms with my mother, but those words only make me resent her more. She makes me think that at 5’4, being around 120 lbs is ‘overweight’ because I’m Asian, and she probably believes they should be small.
I was wondering…should I listen to her at all about weight loss? Or should I just stick with building muscle mass and be happy with those results? I feel very unsure because of her words. I used to not think I was fat at all, but now I’m painfully aware of calories and the fat in my body. I hate being this way and I can’t help blaming her for it.
What do you think? Any help is appreciated! I’m sorry for the excessive typing…
Should I Listen To My Mom And Lose Weight? Am I Right To Be Upset?
Sep - 22 | By: AHT | 31 comments.
Filed under : Weight Loss
31 Responses to “Should I Listen To My Mom And Lose Weight? Am I Right To Be Upset?”
Leave a reply
Travel Talk
Travel Views
Backpack
Traveler is powered by Gorilla Themes and WordPress
In short, NO! You are not “fat” or “overweight.”
A lot of what you wrote makes me so sad, because it’s me and so many other girls.
Don’t cut your diet radically – just don’t do it. When you lose motivation, which will happen because it eventually, always, does, you’ll be back at square one and feel ashamed and even worse. Instead, eat 6+ small meals a day that are packed with lean proteins like turkey, chicken, and soy.
Jumping rope for 30 minutes a day is fabulous exercise, and really good for you. If you’re looking for weight loss specifically, then a “short, high-intensity” activity like jumping rope is less useful than a “long, low-intensity” activity like jogging, biking, or swimming for 45 minutes to an hour. This will lead to less muscle buildup (although still some, and that’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of!!) and more weight loss from sustained calorie burning.
It seems like your mom might be feeling pressured by the external world and, especially, remembering pressures exerted on her by her own parents as a child. She’s absorbed these social norms such as having a “petite, skinny, muscleless” Asian daughter is better than a normal-weight, muscular, healthy daughter.
Bottom line, you are who you are, and very few people still subscribe to old societal norms. It sounds like you’re trying to be healthy. Keep it up – the results will show!
Try to find a friend to talk to about the pressure you feel from your mom, or maybe a counselor at school or a therapist. Find someone to talk to!
If you have any other questions or want to talk, message me
Muscle is great, it is a sign of being healthy. It is not super healthy to be just skinny with no muscle. Culturally, ideal body type varies. Your mom is probably just trying to look out for you by remembering what she went through when she was a young girl. Take what she says with a grain of salt and just know she loves you.
You are fine. It is good to get exercise though. It is a good habit to start when you are young. I am sorry that your mother is so overly critical. Mine was the same way. She died of cancer when I was 20, and I now wish we had been on better terms, you don’t get to pick your family unfortunately.
Your mom is dangerously wrong. Please ignore her advice about weight loss. You are healthy. Follow your own instincts and you will remain that way. If she starts again, politely change the subject. Her wrong and damaging comments will affect your physical and emotional health otherwise.
WOW—-Ya gonna have problems w/Mom unless she gets some advice on raising kids—Maybe you could buy some parenting books and read them w/her. Mom just loves ya and wants what is best, but—Good Luck and don’t you be the cause of friction.
You can’t lose weight doing jump ropes try jogging.
PS: your mom is jeoluous of your youth you should try doing what you like and not what she says.
but not all the time, only regarding this, because your parents are WAY smarter than you.
Its a decision your going to have to make. Do you want to make yourself happy or make others happy and not be happy yourself. If you make the choice of making yourself happy your going to disappoint someone and vice versa. Not to be harsh, but you have to decide.
That is not overweight. Muscle is good. Tell your mom that if a guy ever tries to beat on you, muscle will come in handy
(jk). You’re perfect the way you are, your mom might not understand that, but she’ll probably get over it eventually.
Yes.
The best way to lose weight is by exercise and diet.
If you have no time and want to lose weight without exercise
This is the best way how to lose weight “4 IDIOTS program”http://b4a61em5xrcwev1vt0jkvl2s6q.hop.cl…
She’ll get over it eventually. You are not fat but you do need to start telling her that she can be who she wants to be, and that you will be what you want to be.
I’m not going to lie, that height and weight and race is my match made in heaven <3 so no, you’re fine, even ask a BMI calculator, it agrees.
You are not fat. Exercise and eat right because you want to. I could understand her point if were like 400 pounds or something. But you are a healhty weight. Now for a 4 yr old 125 is being fat.
Aww.. you’re not fat at all! not even a little bit. i used a BMI calculator haha and you’re at the low end of the healthy range.
So don’t listen to her… just eat well and exercise.
go on the INTERNET type in BMI. that will tell you If your over weight. your not over weight your just right keep on building muscle. It better to have more muscle. and less fat.
120 pounds + 5’4″ height = perfect.
Sorry hun, your moms a *****.
live your own life. you owe your mother nothing. she is trying to control your life. in a polite , respectful way , tell her to butt out of your life.
well if you eat healthy then screw her and just ignore it
i know that thats definitely a healthy weight. she might just be worrying about your health more than apperance. not sure.
Muscle is better than fat
hah I’m the same height as you and I wish I weighed 120… I’m 135 and my friends don’t think I’m fat at all but I’m a bit chubby…
wow.. i dont know whats up with your mom but you are actually at a good healthy weight now .. No you dont need to be thinner!!!!
your mom is wrong. that is a perfectly normal weight. Don’t listen to her.
MY advice would be to look up your age and height on the body mass index chart. than make a decision on how to proceed after word
No, you should not listen to her. Do not do anything stupid or get an eating disorder. Your weight sounds perfect!
And muscle is good! It helps burn more calories even when you aren’t doing anything and a toned body is always nicer looking than a thin, gaunt, flabby one.
Just try not to bring the subject up around your mom or try to convince her how hard you are trying.
Jump roping is very good for you! You really do not need weight loss though, just stick with building muscle and toning your body and you will be fine
Ok, I don’t mean to be disrespectful… but don’t listen to your mother. You are actually underweight and building muscle is great! Keep doing what your doing because its great for your body. Ps..please don’t try any of those crazy fasting diets! that will just throw your hard work down the drain! :]
Tell her to stop trying to mold you as if you were a chunk of clay and that you’re sorry she didn’t get the daughter she hoped for.
That being said, it’s a good idea to stay trim and fit. As long as you don’t get over muscular it’s nice to be toned too…love me some meaty calves.
No. I think you are a good size. I hope those words do not make you insecure because you are a perfect weight for your height. You are not overweight. Nobody is perfect. Maybe mom is jealous of you. LOL
I wouldn’t listen to her because that is not fat by any means. It’s a good healthy weight for you and you should be proud. Don’t let anyone bring you down like that. 120lbs isn’t fat at all. Everyone is built differently and that’s no ones fault. And the reason you can’t lose weight is because you don’t need to. You are at the right weight for your height. Just what ever she says about your weight take it and let it roll right off your back. She’s got issues and needs not to take it out on you. Good Luck and god Bless!
you are not overweight at all!
i am 5’4 and around 130 pounds.
i workout. i am a girl. and i am not fat.
i have muscle. and i am okay with that. i used to be concerned that i was 130 but then i would look at myself in a mirror and i knew i wasn’t fat i was actually skinny. i just had muscle.
so do not listen to your mom. just keep working out and be happy.
you are not overweight.
have confidence in the way you look. just stay healthy. that is all that matters.
Mothers can be hyper critical. It’s hard but try to ignore it. If you’re happy the way you are let her know that you’re happy and healthy and she should be glad that you’re not obese like most of America. She’ll eventually get over it.
According to the webiste, below, you are at a completely normal weight.
You are not overweight, she’s putting her obsession on you!!
DON’T BUY INTO IT!!!!
Next time you go to your doctor, HAVE HIM/HER TELL HER THAT YOU ARE FINE!!!
Get Lipo.